"Eat for the future, not in the past" - Olympic Training

On Saturday, March 10th, my neighbour said, "Have you lost weight?" I kissed her on the cheek. At last, someone had noticed. (Before I'd mentioned it.) 


On Friday March 16th, my son said tentatively, "May I say that you're looking trim." I jumped up from the sofa, punching the air. At last, a family member had noticed.


Wearing baggy winter layers doesn't make weight loss immediately noticeable, but for the last few weeks, I was beginning to wonder if my efforts were worth it, if no-one noticed.

For regular readers you may recall a blog at the beginning of the year. http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/dont-tell-me-what-to-do-resolutions.html


So what happened next?


I wrote about my health being a prime motivator for weight loss and it should have been, as it should be for most of us. But in all honesty, it was vanity that provided that all important kick start. In April I will be collecting my London 2012 Games Maker uniform. A purple and cream track suit with red trimmings. I just did not want to go to the collecting depot and be handed a Size 18. As things are progressing, that looks unlikely.


In April, I'm also taking up a position as President of the Soroptimist International York Ebor club. This means official photographs being taken and published over the next year.  Another motivator.


Ok, so I had a SMART goal. Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Realistic. Timed. But how was I going to achieve it?  Diets were a big no-no, for reasons stated in the aforementioned blog. So I started to mention that I was doing Olympic Training. To get fit and increase stamina. That suited me and was easier to talk about. 


My food intake was generally quite healthy and nutritious, so I didn't quite know where to start. The mantra of 'eat less, exercise more' was going round my head. Did I need support of some sort? 


A new year always heralds masses of money-making weight loss offers. A poster went up in the village. A new slimming club was starting some meetings at 8pm on Thursdays. I was tempted, but going out at 8pm on dark, cold streets and paying money did not appeal. Then a money saving website advertised that a slimming club was offering a free three months trial online. That was more tempting.


I looked up the website. It did not forbid any food or say that certain foods were a sin. That was crucial for my personal psychology. It counted points and you could swap activity points for food. Sounded promising. I could do it on my own and in my own time.


That's where I started and immediately was quite shocked. My regular healthy breakfast bowl of muesli, fruit and yoghurt, used up over half my daily allowance. There was no problem with the contents, it was the size of the portion. I discovered that, quite simply, I was eating too much.


Eight weeks later, how could I sum up how I have achieved a loss of over 1 stone (14lbs)? Guess what? Eat less, exercise more!


Emotionally, I've also had to manage the comfort eating feelings. Eat for the future, not in the past.


But I've had to do it my way. As my increasingly strong-minded two-year old granddaughter says, "Addie do it..."

• Using a set of kitchen scales, as I have been genuinely surprised at how easy it is to consume more than is needed.
• Downsizing from a large dinner plate to a dessert plate for meals. I was always feeling too full anyway, now I eat just enough.
• Eating chocolate every day. 
• Filling in a daily food and activity online diary.
• Reducing alcohol intake drastically. It really is 'empty calories' or points in my case.
• Walking that little bit faster and further, taking stairs when I can and thinking exercise can equal food.
• Saying "No, thank-you." and meaning it.
• Having a few emergency snacks around, just in case, especially around my most challenging time between 5 -7pm.
• Using an image of me in that tracksuit, when I'm feeling weak-willed.

The upside:

• Tucking tops into skirts and trousers.
• Feeling fitter.
• Digestive system working better with less food to process.
• A belt going from being unusable to now 4 holes in.
• Using the daily online food and activity diary to keep on track. 
• Re-educating my brain.
• Surgery-free stomach reduction.
• Lowering the risk of diabetes 2 and heart disease.
• Working around my weekly working chocolate-tasting work at Nestle.
• Breathlessness walking up inclines noticeably reduced.

Downside

• Clothes not fitting, but not ready to buy new ones.
• Really difficult sometimes, though easier now.
• Sometimes missing an evening glass or two of red wine and nibbles. 
• More facial wrinkles, due to loss of face plumping. Vanity again. (Botox and fillers not an option.)

Writing it down for the first time is interesting. No contest really is it?

A couple of weeks ago, my husband commented on a jacket I was wearing. "That's looks nice", he said.  I replied, " Thank-you, I haven't been able to wear it for a while."  That was it. I thought he would pick-up on my reply, but he didn't. Possibly an example of hearing, but not listening?

So up to this point, he hasn't said anything, though I'm pretty sure he's noticed a change.


But he always reads my blog before I publish it. 


So I wonder what's he thinking now? I'll let you know...!*


*2hrs later. 
Husband: " Of course, I'd noticed." 
Me: " I thought so. Why didn't you say anything?"
Husband: "Well, when I said something when you put on weight, you were very negative."
Me: "So you didn't think that by saying something when you noticed I had lost weight, I would be positive?"
Husband: "No, I thought if I said something, you would be negative."
Me: "Well, I wouldn't have been."
Husband: "Tricky thing, women and their weight."


©RitaLeaman2012

"I need to be loved..." Emotional abuse

It was International Women's Day on Thursday. I read the following piece by Christina Patterson in The Independent.
www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/christina-patterson/christina-patterson-sisters-weve-let-our-teenage-daughters-down-7542312.html


Her thoughts were similar to my own, when I read about the court case about grooming and abuse. The details did not make for pleasant reading. Sadly though, the behaviour of both the girls and men is not unknown in the UK.


I belong to a women's service organisation called Soroptimists International.  http://sigbi.org/
The club I belong to is part of the Yorkshire Region. There is a sub-group: The Anti-Slavery Group. (Slavery covers abuse against women in all forms, worldwide) The group is only five years old but has already achieved much in the region.
http://sigbi.org/yorkshire/2011/09/27/soroptimists-fighting-against-domestic-abuse/


Last year, at one of the Regional meetings, we were shown a film on the subject of grooming. It had been made for showing to teenage girls. The contents were disturbing and not dissimilar to the details of court case.


The core truths are always the same: the girls want to be loved and given attention. They are vulnerable and are taken advantage of by men giving them exactly that. Attention and gifts, which they interpret as love.


There are many theories as to why the girls are so vulnerable.  My own thoughts are, that the absence of men, or responsible men, in many households, are one of the larger pieces in a complex jig-saw.


My parents split up when I was 13 years old and for legal reasons I didn't see my father for a year. I lived in a female household,  which I have explained before, wasn't particularly easy.  I went to an all girls school, with all women teachers and both grandfathers had died a long time before. While these circumstances, gave me an edge over the radical feminism in the 1970s, they didn't help with relationships.


By 16 years old, I had become an outrageous flirt. If I had a boyfriend, I would be flirting with someone else too. It's another example (as with drugs), when I think, "There, but for the grace of God go I"  Flirtatious yes, but promiscuous, no. 


I'm not going to pretend that I didn't in the main have a great time, but I eventually grew up emotionally and understood that it wasn't always a helpful way to behave. As I grew older, I thought about why I behaved like that. 


I don't think it takes Einstein to see that I was craving male attention. I've always been drawn to tall men too. My father was 6ft 2ins. As life turned out,  I married for a second time to a man I'd known when I was 16 years old. (Yes, he's 6ft 3ins.) We often talk about our short, but happy relationship in 1967.  Our respective moves to different parts of the UK, meant we didn't stay together, but never 'fell out'. 


He and I can recall one time when he asked me, "why do you hug me so tightly?' I didn't know, other than I liked it. I loved hugs. As a younger teenager, I can remember my mother telling me off for 'mauling' her or cuddling my grandmother. What was I needing? Not just wanting. Really, really needing.


When I lived on my own at the age of 42, I craved hugs with my grown-up children. I'm a tactile person, but it's important to respect someone's space. I almost get it right, but can make mistakes.


We need to be touched. We need to give and receive attention. We need to give and receive love.


If we don't give and receive in a healthy way, then we may seek resolution in unhealthy ways.


Take that last sentence a little further. While I believe certain behaviours should not be excused, you can usually find reasons.


The Soroptimist Anti-Slavery Group created a bookmark. It is very good.


It relates to any relationship in any situation.
Straight. Gay. Parental. Sibling. Friend. Workplace. Social.




If this information isn't helpful for you, the odds are, that you will know someone it may help. Please pass this blog on. Thank you.


©RitaLeaman2012

Keep it simple - unnecessary complexity?

I was vacuuming in someone else's house the other day. Topics for blogs can arise in varied situations.


I groaned inwardly when I saw the cleaner. A famous bagless model.  Not my favourite vacuum cleaner. But it had been many years since I'd used one, maybe it was better? It wasn't. I loathed every minute and had backache at the end of using it.


Around twenty years ago I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. I was prepared to buy a good one and the revolutionary bagless model was new on the market. I went to a showroom and tried several types. My requirements were: an upright for a tall person, an easy to use crevice tool, easy disposal of contents and easy to unblock, if necessary.


I was more than ready to buy the bagless machine. "How do you get rid of the contents?", I asked. The answer was to remove the canister and empty the contents into the bin. Er, but that was messy, with dust flying about in the air. I looked at the crevice tool. Not impressed with extending tubes, handles etc: It seemed to me to be a question of style over substance. I bought one of the most simple to use on the market. Not cheap, but pretty much idiot proof. Perfect. And it has been.


Twenty years later and I find that things haven't changed. I know the bagless model has its admirers, but it's not for me. An awful machine.


It's similar for many machines. Lots of bells, whistles and knobs. I bet most readers have a washer, dryer, dishwasher or suchlike that has a dozen functions. How many get used? Not that many.


Complexity impresses. Complexity costs money. Complexity sells.


Complexity confuses. Complexity intimidates. Complexity breaks down.

A friend recently went into an Architectural practice and was surprised to find them using PCs. Most architects and graphic designers use Macs. One of the members of staff was an IT person. My friend said, "If there were Macs in here, you wouldn't have a job." The IT person answered, "I know, you're right."

In 1998 I heard a man talking about the psychotherapy business. "First of all there is an idea. An article is written about the idea. Then a chapter,  a book, a course, a degree...and so on..." He was illustrating the simplicity of a good idea, becoming a money maker and becoming complex. He was promoting a new idea. It was good, but in the end the creators lost the simplicity and got caught up in adding complexity to the idea. The beautifully simple idea became more complex. 


Of course, we need experts and we need complexity. I wouldn't be tapping away on this incredible machine, if it weren't for a complex idea and people willing to understand how to work with it. Same with cars, planes, trains and most machinery I use.


I'm not sure there is anyone who on meeting me would call me stupid, but my brain has always had a problem with complexity. It's as if my brain won't process it.  It used to concern me, but there's an upside. If I need to understand something that is confusing me, I remove the bits I don't understand.


One of the lessons I enjoyed at school was precis. We used to be given lengths of prose and had to cut it down by 30%, keeping the core truth intact. I can pare something down quickly. I can remove the gobbledygook and find the core truth. 


So, what's all this got to do with emotional health?
(A great deal of 'mental health problems' are more honestly, emotional health problems.)


Take a simple truth, that is contained in the thinking of anyone I've ever seen with an emotional health problem. "I don't feel good enough". In fact, the truth will often be, "I didn't feel good enough when I was a child."


That's it. The bottom line. From there have been built the monoliths of of psychiatry and psychotherapy. Not to say, Big Pharma. Vast amounts of time, money, energy and people's lives have been lost in trying to feel 'good enough'. So often, it about their emotional age needing to catch up with their chronological age and medication can't do that. 


Except the majority of people don't only want to feel good enough now, they really want their younger self to feel good enough.  


And that's impossible. Just like Chasing Rainbows. There is delusion in the illusion.


Must be more complex than that? You don't believe me?  Remember Hans Christian Anderson's  'The King's New Clothes'?


Oh yes, my vacuum cleaner is a Sebo.


©RitaLeaman2012

"Keep calm and breathe in - slowly" Animal therapy.

Was I tempting fate with the last blog?

http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2012/02/what-is-worst-managing-difficulties.html


I'm just recovering from one of those upset stomach episiodes, picked up from looking after a sick child in London. My son and partner were having one hell of a week at work and could have done without the whole family feeling poorly too. "At least it's not as bad as when you had mumps six years ago", I told my son. 


What a weird week. I think on reflection, it will be one of the more strange and varied in my life.  Other family stuff at the beginning, Olympic training in the middle and grannie duties at the end. Life isn't dull. Nor should it be. If my parent's lives are anything to go by, I still have another third to live.


I missed writing last week's blog and didn't really want to let another week go by without writing. Then a newspaper article leapt from The Observer this morning. That will do well, I thought. I'll let the newspaper do the talking.


http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/feb/26/horses-therapists-stress-autism-addiction


If only these wonderful treatments with animals didn't cost so much money. A lottery win? I think I know what I would love to create with the money. A national therapeutic animal charity. I'm not even a huge animal lover, but I do fully understand the therapeutic benefits of owning or looking after a pet. They reach places that humans cannot.


Several colleagues who trained with me, use animals in their therapeutic practices. Particularly dogs and horses. They suggest that the dogs and horses have needs too, as do human beings. If the humans attend to their animal's needs, the moments of introspection are less. Anything that helps. Anything that helps that isn't medication is even better.


An observation from my practice. As emotional arousal isn't helpful to problem solving, relaxation is used to help the client reach a calmer state. The 7/11 breathing technique of seven slow deep breaths in and eleven out is a basis for teaching relaxation. (Personally I use 5/7) Whatever the count is, the out breathe must be longer than the in breathe. That is crucial for using the nervous system correctly.


Then I realised that stroking an animal or human being uses much the same breathing action. No wonder petting an animal is therapeutic. (So is cigarette smoking for the same breathing action, but certainly NOT to be recommended!)


I have a short relaxation exercise on Itunes.  It's FREE. Part of the Chasing Rainbows podcasts. No: 7 http://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/chasing-rainbows/id252159492

©Ritaleaman2012

"What is the worst...? - Managing difficulties

One thing leads to another and last Wednesday morning I was on Radio York talking about moaning.

It had snowed over the previous weekend in the area (and much of the UK) and travelling to work was difficult. By Tuesday, the local radio phone-in was monopolised by calls about how inadequate the local council was in clearing the roads and pavements.


One call on Tuesday, which I just happened to catch when driving home, was from a 73 year old man, who had rung in to complain about all the negativity being expressed. 'Just get on with it, we've had it worse and be a good neighbour' was his theme. It certainly made a change from all the moaning.

Maybe that call hit a nerve at Radio York? Later that afternoon, a programme assistant contacted me. They were going to make 'moaning' a light-hearted topic for Wednesday. Would I come on and talk about our need to moan?

So that's what I did.

Towards the end of the conversation with presenter, Jules Bellerby, he asked me about how I stop moaning. I mentioned not wanting to lose friends by always moaning.  I was thinking of 'Blondie' at the time. The subject of a blog last month: http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-just-want-to-be-happy-how.html


Then I mentioned a little trick I used. It seems to have caught people's interest, so I will repeat it here as a self-help exercise.


It's a variation of some questions used in a therapy session. I might ask," Have you ever felt like this before?"and the answer would provide some information for further questions. Maybe around how the client managed those feelings and events at that time. It's a helpful way to uncover a client's resources, which in turn, may help towards finding solutions to their problem/s.


In 1986 I was unwell. I wrote about the illness in this blog: http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/08/youre-mental-no-i-am-not-i-have-virus.html


Since recovering from that illness, I have used Summer 1986, as a benchmark for judging how unwell I may feel in the present day and how to manage it.


The conversation with myself goes like this:
Q: "Is this the most unwell you have ever felt?"
A: No
Q: How did you get through that time?
I then explore a variety of memories that show me that the event passed and I survived.


Through the years, I have found it necessary to repeat this exercise with a variety of words, some examples follow:


Q: Is this the coldest/saddest/most tired/most anxious/most useless/unhappiest/most pain/angriest/most victimised... you have ever felt?"


Due to age and life events, the answer to most of the questions is 'No'.


I now have some perspective and clues as to how I can manage the present situation.


It's really Do-It-Yourself Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Cheaper too.


Tell the unhelpful comments to 'GO AWAY'. Loudly and with feeling. I've removed the swear word, but you don't have to.


Listen carefully. The quality of life really can be down to the quality of the conversation you have with yourself.

©Ritaleaman2012

"What do you want to do that for?" - Volunteering.

This summer, the Olympics and Paralympics are coming to the UK and London.


I wonder what reaction that sentence has triggered in the readers?  I imagine a range of feelings, from deep groaning and moaning to excited anticipation.


Well readers, your blog writer is excited. So excited, that I've got involved in the organisation of the Games. I will be one of the over 70,000 volunteers, called Games Makers.


I mentioned it in the first blog of the year: http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2012/01/dont-tell-me-what-to-do-resolutions.html


Perhaps you are thinking that I must love sport? Well, no, I don't really. Neither am I a huge follower and certainly not a willing participant. Never have been.  I learnt badminton once and was quite enjoying it, until one of the group, one of the more competitive types, tried to attack me with each shot. I couldn't be bothered, so gave up. 


Yesterday morning at 8am, in freezing temperatures and snow forecast, I stood outside Wembley Park Underground Station at the top of some steps, looking towards Wembley Stadium. (The premier sporting stadium in the UK). All I could see were hundreds of people, all wrapped up against the cold and heading for the indoor Wembley Arena next door. 


A warm feeling enveloped me and tears welled into my eyes.  Why? Not sure really, except it was something to do with a mass of humanity willing to give up their time and money to be part of something very big. Very big indeed. No personal glory, no personal gain, just a willingness to take part and help for the greater good.


I walked down the steps and it was as if I was stepping off into a great new adventure. It felt thrilling.


Why I feel drawn to be an Olympic volunteer is a story for another blog. But one incident last year is the basis of this blog.


I had the Games Maker interview in Newcastle, last May. I travelled there by train. I regularly travel by train. Sometimes the journeys are in silence, sometimes conversations with fellow travellers can occur. On the return journey a woman started to talk to me about her family and a middle-aged business man at the same table joined in.  The fact that the purpose of my trip had been to attend an interview to be a volunteer at the Olympics was mentioned.


The man asked if I was being paid. I told him that I was volunteering and while there would be a free uniform and free meals and travel available during the shifts, the position was self-funded. He was incredulous. He couldn't believe that anyone would want to work for nothing, let alone over 70,000 of us. I was incredulous that he thought all work should be paid, but said very little.


Attitudes to earning money are fascinating and all tied up with self-worth too. Status or perceived status is a powerful need. The man felt his time was worth something and that he wasn't going to give it away for free. I felt that he was missing out, maybe not now, but perhaps he would later, if he didn't have a change of heart.  


I have come across many people, who once retired, made redundant or just unwaged, have difficulty engaging in a world without paid work. While there are hundreds of thousands of people (thank goodness) happy to give of their time for nothing in return, other than satisfaction of helping somebody, perhaps less fortunate than themselves.


In many instances, it's the people unwilling to get involved in volunteering, who then have a problem with isolation and maybe, by not using their own unique skills, allow that part of the brain to shut-down through lack of use. Sometimes, it's a great opportunity to learn new skills and stretch oneself.


There are endless stories of people who take part in voluntary or unpaid work, where one door has lead to another. Or rather I use the metaphor of stepping stones. If a person wants to get from A to B, it might not be possible to take a direct route, but have to take smaller, shorter steps to get there or even end up somewhere else entirely and far richer for the experience. Riches are not always measured in material gain.


I wish students or young graduates especially, would realise that by taking a job considered menial, does not mean that they will stay doing that for the next forty years.  The 'that's beneath me' attitude' is a particular bug-bear of mine. Perhaps because I've been a cleaner and shelf-filler in my time and who knows, maybe again. 


A favourite quote by an unknown author is: 'He who knows his destination and heads directly to it will get there quickly. He who knows his destination but takes the odd wrong turn along the way, will still get there, and be wiser for the experience.'


I'm sure most of us have taken many wrong turnings along the way. Closing ones mind to volunteering can close the way to new opportunities, new friendships and new wisdom.


Personally, I can't wait.


©RitaLeaman2012

" I just want to be happy" - how?

1. On Thursday, I heard a BBC radio presenter, Kirsty Young, defend herself about something she was supposed to have said in another interview. Apparently, she had said that she didn't want her children to be happy.


2. Then I read in Saturday's newspaper, that a professor was suggesting that experiences can provide greater happiness than materialism.


3. This morning, a free book fell out of the Sunday newspaper, "Can you learn to be happier?" by Tal Ben-Shaher.


Okay then, happiness will be the subject of this week's blog.


"I just want to be happy". That statement must be one of the most commonly heard by therapists and doctors. Anti-depressants can be known by a most unfortunate and incorrect label, 'happy pills'. 


'Happy pills'? Not working in the majority of cases are they? The real beneficiaries? Big Pharma.


The way I was taught, was to gently help a person unpack that statement and maybe use 'The Miracle Question'.


1. What would you be doing if you were happy?
Not always a question for specific and useful answers.


2. If you woke up tomorrow morning and a miracle had occurred overnight and you knew you had obtained happiness, how would you know? What would be different? What would you be doing? 


This can provide more helpful answers. Ones that can illustrate   realistic and unrealistic thinking. Realistic and unrealistic expectations and goals. 


"I'll be happy when I've won the lottery."
" Do you do the lottery?"
"No."


I have enjoyed using 'The Miracle Question', as, like a tight flower bud, a person can gradually open up in front of your eyes. Lots of petals. Lots of layers.


Another teaching tool was to look at a person's emotional needs. Were they being met at all or met unhealthily? The answers to these questions could also lead to solving a happiness problem.


They are listed in this blog:
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/08/why-rioting-and-looting.html


1. Back to Kirsty Young. The media leaped on the statement, "I don't want my children to be happy." 


If in doubt about any statements, check out the context. Here's a bit more of what what Kirsty Young actually said. "Life is complicated. I don't want my children to be 'happy'. They'll be bloody lucky if they glimpse it now and again. I want them to be content and have self-worth." 


I happen to agree with her, though self-worth is another concept, that can be double-edged. Here's the link to the longer article:


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/9033222/I-dont-want-my-children-to-be-happy-just-to-be-content-and-have-self-worth-says-Kirsty-Young.html




2. So, what about the professor and his experiential happiness? One of those, 'money can't buy happiness' articles. I looked for a link. I found it and it's below. But...it was written in 2009! A typical newspaper (and political) rouse. Repackage something old and make out that it's brand new.


http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090207150518.htm


An interesting exercise to do is to list some happier times. Were they due to material gain or an experience? I'm sure we've all felt happy at attaining something of material worth, but for more deeply satisfying happiness, experiences can last longer in the memory. Though of course, sometimes the wonderful experience has only been attained due to some expenditure of some sort. Money can buy happiness...sometimes.


For simple moments of happiness, I like counting blessings and enjoying simple pleasures, especially the ones provided by nature. I also think that happiness is so often a bittersweet experience. As a woman once said to me, "It's like childbirth. A great deal of happiness, but a whole lot of pain too."


Though like Kirsty Young, I'm not a big supporter of the word 'happy', I prefer contentment. I believe it's a deeper experience.


3. What about the book? Well, I haven't read it in the last three hours (I made a neighbour happy by baking him a cake), but I've had a quick look. The usual ingredients for a 'happy' recipe, but assembled in a different way. A self-help book that could help some people...if they are willing to change something they are doing.


The therapy that is flavour of the month/decade is CBT. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I have been asked what it meant on several occasions. I say that if someone was thinking and behaving in an unhelpful way, then it was a therapy to help that person change their thinking and behaviour to something more helpful. And there's the rub. Ultimately, the person has to do it for themselves. Not easy. People may think they want to change, but aren't willing to do what is necessary. They would prefer someone else to do it or some medicine. The same thing happens with physical illnesses too.


Have I ever had to change the way I thought and behaved to increase my chances of a happier life? Yes. Many times. One experience comes immediately to mind.


Everyone has heard of positive role models and how we could learn from them. Twenty years ago, I chose a negative role model and learnt from her.


I worked in a supermarket in a local town. Most of the shoppers were regulars. One woman was a picture of misery. She had long, lank, blonde hair, her mouth tended towards the downward and she bought her young son shopping with her.  At the checkouts, she would find any chance to mention that her husband had left her. The checkout operator would sympathise.


But this went on for years. Always the same. We called her 'Blondie", though she wasn't as jolly as the better known pop singer.


Years later, she hadn't changed a bit. Her hair remained long and lank. Her mouth now set in a downward position. The conversation always turned to how her husband had left her. He son, was a particularly miserable looking teenager, poor soul. The checkout operators dreaded serving her. 



Then something happened in my life. My marriage finished after twenty-one years.  There was masses of opportunity to be extremely negative and full of anger and angst.


But I made myself keep a picture of 'Blondie' in my head.  Every time, well, almost every time (I am human and it can be hard work), I wanted to rant and rave, I would catch myself and put a picture of 'Blondie' in my head. "Do I want to end up like her?", I would ask myself. After moments of trying to justify why I had every right to rant and rave, I stopped. 


'Blondie' has helped me a great deal over the years. Even twenty years later, I recently was allowing my brain to wonder down angry alley. I thought of her and stopped.


That was CBT and I self-healed. It was better than self-medicating.


©RitaLeaman2012