"Let go...please." - Emotional baggage

I was in the kitchen making the evening meal.  My favourite 'Drivetime' programme was on the radio. An entertaining mix of news, views and music, held together by a top presenter, Simon Mayo. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00p2dfq

Monday is book day. The mountaineer, Joe Simpson, was being interviewed about his new book, ‘The Sound of Gravity’. I didn’t think I was particularly interested, until he said,  "Don't drag your past around, it will ruin your present and destroy your future." Words that were music to my ears. I stopped chopping up vegetables for the stir fry and listened.

Then I remembered where I had heard about Joe Simpson before. Some years ago I'd been babysitting for my son, when he told me that I should watch the film, 'Touching the Void'. I couldn’t understand why I should be interested in a mountaineering story, even it was true. I was so wrong. It was an incredible and inspiring story and well worth watching. The film wasn’t so much about climbing, as one man’s struggle for life against the most incredible odds. Joe Simpson's struggle.

In practice, I have used Joe's experiences as illustrations for managing life’s dark, lonely and unrelentingly miserable times. This man fell into a very deep, dark crevasse high up in The Andees.  His friend had left him for dead. After a time, all he could see was a pin prick size of light very high up and a long way away.  Light brings hope. He knew that the light would be the only means of escape, so he slowly inched his battered body towards the light. The light became a little larger until many hours later, he had managed to crawl up the rocks to where there was a hole in the side of the mountain letting in the light. He scrambled out of the hole, only to find himself on a glacier and he slid hundreds of yards downhill. I'm sure I remember him having a broken leg too.

I recommend the book and film. I think it should be shown in every school to teenagers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Touching_the_Void

http://www.noordinaryjoe.co.uk/books.asp

The phrase Joe used on the radio, about dragging the past around, was picked up by the interviewer.  Joe repeated. "Don't let the past destroy the future."  He agreed that it wasn't easy to do, but if you want a decent future, you have to do do it. 


The alternative is to spend the present being emotionally hijacked by the past. Or "emotionally limping through life", as someone once said to me:
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/06/depressed-or-emotionally-stuck.html

In day to day life, when our senses are assaulted by thousands of words and images, sometimes we only ‘hear’ or ‘see’ things because they relate to a matter we’re dealing with personally at the time.  Perhaps that’s why Joe Simpson’s words seem to leap out of the radio on Monday.

A decision has to be made. One person is looking at the facts in the present and with an eye on the future. Another person is looking at the present, with their eyes and emotions firmly fixed in the past.


My all time favourite quote is:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door, that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller. 

After working with people's emotional health problems for over fifteen years, I can say that the majority of people have had their eyes firmly fixed behind them, dragging the emotional baggage with them. It doesn't make for an easy or healthy life.


Joe Simpson’s mention of heavy baggage reminded of this teaching tale. There are many variations, but the ending is always the same.  

There were two monks walking from one village to another. On the way they came to a stream which they had to cross. On the bank they saw a young woman standing, afraid to cross it.

One of the monks said, “I will carry you to the other side”. He took her on his back, and carried her to the other side of the stream.

After crossing the road, the two monks continued walking silently for hours, until they reached their destination.

The other monk could not keep silent any longer and exclaimed:” How could you carry that girl on your back? We are monks and are not allowed to touch women.”

The monk who carried the women over the puddle smiled and said: “I have left the girl at the other side of the stream, but it seems you are still carrying her with you.”

You may say, "But terrible things may have happened to your clients?" Indeed they may have done, but it's not the events that can ruin someone's life, it's how they manage the aftermath.


My friend Sue Hanisch had something terrible happen to her: http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/07/im-very-very-scared-trauma.html


In the late 1990s, I was working on a psychiatric unit as a nursing assistant. I was writing in a client's file and came across an alcohol assessment form. The questions fascinated me. It was the first time I'd ever come across anything that related to events in my own life. Out of curiosity, I mentally filled the form in for myself.  I was shocked. I scored considerably higher than the client.


I said to the senior nurse, "I don't understand this. With the score on this form, I should be in here as a client, not a nurse. Why aren't I?"


She ran her thumb down her spine and said, "Backbone". I disagreed and knew that wasn't quite right, but didn't know what the real answer was. Her comment also concerned me about how she was approaching some of the clients.


A few years later I came across the following and knew what a major difference was:


“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes.” 
Charles R. Swindoll


A change of attitude can change our life.
©RitaLeaman2011