Tuesday 14 June 2011

What do children need? A tale of two little boys ...and a little girl.



Two news stories from different ends of the spectrum, with similarities and a personal interest.


1. A ten year old boy was described as, "a bit naughty, a bit over active and didn't do as he was told." He was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. He was prescribed with Ritalin and Prozac.
He hanged himself.


2. A man called Bear Gryllis, tells tales of himself as a seven year old, in a new autobiography, 'Mud, Sweat and Tears.' He was naughty, over active and didn't do as he was told. 
He is an international adventurer, an author, TV personality and the UK's Chief Scout.


3. The writer has always had the attention span of a flea, can't sit still unless totally focussed, used to daydream at school and was always getting into trouble as a child and teenager.

The case of the 10 year old boy is truly horrifying. This case is not unique, either with children or adults. Any google search will reveal many scandalous cases. The questions raised should be shouted from the rooftops. Though, unless the parents are media savvy  or have financial backing, the case is likely to fade quickly from view.

I was taken to see some sort of child guidance people, but was not prescribed unsuitable medication. It didn't happen in those days.  Bad kids were locked away in Borstals, which I was threatened with many times. Not that threats did any good, they generally don't with children. So often the threats are unrealistic and not carried out. We've all been in public places and heard them. "If you do that again...etc: etc:"

I did manage to just stay this side of the law and often have to remind myself, when becoming a little too judgemental, that "there but for the grace of God, go I."  I met an old headmistress in my late 20s and  told her that I'd turned out alright in the end. Her reply? " I knew you would, you had spirit." A little pastoral care might not have gone amiss at the time, but that didn't feature at the school until two decades later. 

How did I survive serious trouble?  By the skin of my teeth and learning to be a very convincing liar. 

To those people who may think that I wasn't taught right from wrong, I most certainly was. But it wasn't until I was able to see and understand the consequenses of my actions, that I started to change my behaviour. I couldn't do that, until my emotional brain matured, around the age of 18. 

There is research that suggests the male emotional brain may not mature until later than the female's. Perhaps around 24 years of age. I can believe that, though of what use that is in nature, I don't know. It appears to cause more problems than solve them.

Back to the two boys. Both sounding like lively boys with lively minds and bodies.  Minds and bodies that needed to be loved, stretched, given attention, exercised, listened to and encouraged. There also needed to be recognition and encouragement of their own particular skills and interests, even if no adult quite understood them. 

One boy was medicated. 
The other boy was educated.
One boy died. 
The other boy thrived.
One boy is a cautionary tale. 
The other boy has tales to tell.

©RitaLeaman2011

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