"I'm sad" - Labels.

My friend's funeral was on Tuesday. I cried. I cried more than I thought I would.


Today I still feel sad and tears lie just under the surface. But that's okay. It's okay to feel sad. I'm not going to rush to my GP and ask to be put on anti-depressants.  A bit dramatic? Not at all. It happens.


Over the last two days I've have had so many topics for this blog run through my head. Though perhaps I've covered some of them before.


Grief...how long should you feel sad for? 
For another day.


Guilt: Is it a useful emotion?
For another day.


Alcohol. The biggest killer of the minds and bodies of my friends over the years. A blog on addiction from June:
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/06/not-my-fault-addicts-excuse.html


Food and drink companies. Making profits from misery. A related blog from June:
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/06/every-picture-tells-story-alcohol.html


Friends. The need for fun and friendship. When friends are more important than family. A related blog from August:
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/08/why-rioting-and-looting.html


Therapy. Can you have too much? Does what you're looking for exist? 
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/07/ive-got-issue-what-do-you-mean-problem.html


Secrets. At what age should children stop being protected?
For another day.


...and on and on...


On the way to the funeral, I read this posted tweet from another therapist and thought the next blog would be titled 'Labels'.


"Examine the labels you apply to yourself. Every single label is a 

boundary or a limit of one kind or another. ~ Wayne Dyer

It touched a schoolfriend's response to the previous blog and the mention of being in 'bottom division' in school. 


She wrote:"...PHS certainly had many talented, unrecognized characters in 'bottom division' and I cherish those memories..."


Then this morning, one of the founders of the Apple organisation, Steve Jobs has died.


The airwaves and internet are full of tributes and some of his quotes.


This has been my favourite: 

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is 

secondary.”

Putting the two quotes together, I've come up with, "Don't go round wearing a label that someone else has attached to you. If you believe it, it could wear you down."


Examples:
"You're our anxious one"
"You're still our baby"
"You're stupid/a waste of space/were never wanted/hopeless"
"You'll achieve nothing."
"You're just like your mother/father."
"Slow to learn, sure to fail" from a previous blog:
http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-cant-do-it-frightened-of-failure.html

It's not only negative labels that can cause problems. Filling someone with overly positive expectations may not be helpful either. There are many people who leave school believing that they are 'clever' and 'special', who find the world full of other 'clever' and 'special' people.


Here's a short exercise: 
1. Think of a belief that you have about yourself.
2. Think of it being written on a label that you wear every day.
3. Who gave you that label?
4. When did they give you that label?
5. Why did they give you that label?
6. Have you grown older since you were given that label?
7. Is there any evidence that the label is now out of date, if it was even true in the first place?
8. Remove the label and destroy it.
9. Read the quote from Steve Jobs many times.


©RitaLeaman2011